Monday, 14 September 2009

WORLD OF WARCRAFT MOVIE

So, Sam Raimi is slated in to direct, is he? That's a pretty good choice. He's a bit mad with the camera and there's a definitive crazily-designed high-fantasy style to Warcraft that I think he'll have a lot of fun with.

I've got ten questions for him, however. Warcraft gameplay is a bit unpredictable, and it cuts a lot of corners when it comes to certain things so that players have fun with the game. How will he handle these 'certain things'?

So, Mr. Raimi, answer me this:

1 - Ressurection. How on earth are we going to be on the edge of our seats during massive battle scenes when we know that any deaths will result in ressurection? 'Oh, no, Baldin's dead! He was the hero of us all! He was the rock... no, wait, here he is.'

2 - Mounts. Are you going to have them stabled like normal animals, or are you going to have the characters magically summon them? 'We're being chased! How will we ever escape? SShhrrrrr... flash.... ggrrowww... Jump on!'

3 - Friendly In-Game Banter. Will any of the characters in the film be called 'fukking n00b'?

4 - Appearance. Will all the characters look exactly the same but in different clothes?

5 - Character Development. Will the characters grow as the story progresses? Not in character, but in the acquiring of Epic items?

6 - Details. Will you be releasing several smaller movies every few weeks to patch any gaps in the plot?

7 - Sequels. Will any further movies detail the adventures of alt characters, doing exactly the same thing but with different powers?

8 - Intermission. Will there be a break in the movie, and if so will there be people in the cinema offering to sell us gold?

9 - Connecting with the plot. Will the film suddenly stop part-way through, and will the audience have to walk out of the theatre and then back in again before it restarts?

10 - Quality. It's not going to be shit because it's a movie of a computer game, is it?

I await your response.